8/17/11
Hi, to all the other children of hoarders. I am 33 and I totally understand where you are coming from. My mum has filled a 280 sq.metre house both in the house, under the house and garages as well as up the driveway.
After having cleaned out the house 3 times in the past, each time when she was away, I have come to realise that this is not the solution. Each time it has been cleaned, I got a stiff “thanks”. Before mum has gone on to fill it up again. It saddens me as it was never like this before, and has only started 15 years ago.
My mum is 55 years old and dad 56. Dad doesn’t deserve to live in a house with ‘goat tracks’ to get around the stuff. I worry about there safety and also health. A rat once died on the verandah and due to all the stuff, it was left there reaking rotting stink until the decomposing process has finished. Its just not right. We finally had enough and I went to counselling with mum to confront her with this problem and let her know we would support her in getting help and dealing with these problems. Again, she made out everything was fine and she would accept our help, that was yesterday.
Today I found she is threatening to cancel her first ever holiday with dad – because “she doesn’t deserve it” and “it was just another of her stupid ideas”. I know despite the fact I have stated we will not touch her house while she is away and without her present she is now more concerned about the possibility of losing some crap that she doesn’t even know was there then looking forward to the trip of a lifetime with dad. Also I suspect she’s laying on the guilt trip. I know she wants to break us and have us say don’t worry about doing anything with the house and oops we were just mistaken that the stuff is 4-10 foot deep. But we are united and will see it through.
I worry that the house will catch fire. I worry that they will get ill from the mould and vermin. I want them to have their life back. I hate that she hides in the house from visitors and keeps the doors and windows shut in the heat of summer and chill of winter. I hate that there are 8 seats in the lounge room and only two partially clear for them to sleep/eat/watch tv/use computer/phone etc. Yes I did say sleep in because the bedroom is so full they rarely use the bed.
But still she keeps on buying more and more stuff. I know that she has a real problem – depression/anxiety etc but as I told her I have know problem with her locking herself away in the house for solitude but for god’s sake get rid of all the stuff in there that is cluttering up your life. I know at the moment I have to take the brunt of her arrows and anger because “how dare I tell her she has a problem let alone say it in front of her counsellor”. But shit mum, you’ll have to do better than that because I’m not going anywhere. We love her, she’s our mum and we just have to see this through to the end. No matter how long it takes. Day 1 – intervention at counsellor. Day 2 – I’m the worst in the world and the great betrayer and it’s all my fault. Let’s see what Day 3 brings tomorrow………….
