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The COH Chat Room

Welcome to our chat room!

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    • During moderated “open chats”, anonymous guests can sign in and post messages.
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  • You also can access this chat room via our Facebook page at http://on.fb.me/JLKh1D .

 

Permanent link to this article: http://childrenofhoarders.com/wordpress/?page_id=3479

  • Elizabeth Nelson

    So this is working then?  If so, we can make it a ‘go’

  • yes-see you back here at 8 pm EST !

  • Turnerfam6

    Ready for some help here 

  • elizabeth forrest

    I come from a long line of horders, My fathers mother, my father,my husband, myself. Please, help me. ejforrest1@aol.com

    • sdhoarding

      Does Your Loved One Have Trouble Throwing Things Out? (La Jolla)© craigslist – Map data © OpenStreetMap
      (google map) (yahoo map)Have friends or family that save too many things?
      Your loved one’s house is cluttered with objects?

      If so, you may be eligible to participate in a research study on the experience of family members with hoarding.
      Please call Dr. Ayers from the Department of Psychology VA Hospital/ UCSD Department of Psychiatry at show contact info ext 1251 for more information.

      The study will take place at the VA Hospital in La Jolla.

  • Peg

    Hey – it’s Peg – Great job today Elizabeth!

  • All the standard emoticons are supported.  To send an emoticon,
    simply type the emoticon text anywhere in your message and press
    “enter”.  Here’s the list:

    Smile: 🙂 =) :-)Grin: 😀 :d =d =DWink: 😉 ;-)Surprised: 😮 :O =o =OTongue: :p 😛 =P 😛 :-pEvil Grin: >:) >:D >:-) >=)Frown: 🙁 =( 🙁

  • Skye

    It’s not exactly working. 🙁

  • Neziroglu

    Katharine Donnelly and I, Fugen Neziroglu are working on an upcoming book on family members of hoarders.  We would love to get some feedback from those who have lived or who are currently a member of a hoarder .   We are looking to understand how family members cope, deal with, have suffered as a consequence of the hoarding behavior, what has worked, what has not worked etc.  We would love to enter into a chat with some of you.  Please let us know if you would be interested.  Let us know if you are interested and we can set up a time to talk with you.  You can either post your interest on this site or you can e mail us Neziroglu@aol.com or Katharine.Donnelly@gmail.com.   Thank you.

    • Lisa

      HI Katharine, My name is Lisa Sommer, My mom was a hoarder as far back as I can remember. My house was always filled with my mom’s stuff and only got worse as she got older. My brother and I grew up under a cloud of denial that filled our lives. The primary forces we grew up with were: workaholism, her several addictions besides accumulating things, perfectionism, rigid rules, and absolutely no love what’s so ever. It was a very painful 20 years to start out life this way.
      Lisa.sommer86@yahoo.com. The “L” in Lisa should be lower case.

    • Jessie

      I would like to help if you still need it.

  • Jill

    I’ve never tried one of these chats before.  I am so grateful that hoarding is finally being talked about
    .

    • Atlantadealpro

       There should be a dating site for COH’s, What do you think?

    • sdhoarding

      Does Your Loved One Have Trouble Throwing Things Out? (La Jolla)© craigslist – Map data © OpenStreetMap
      (google map) (yahoo map)Have friends or family that save too many things?
      Your loved one’s house is cluttered with objects?

      If so, you may be eligible to participate in a research study on the experience of family members with hoarding.
      Please call Dr. Ayers from the Department of Psychology VA Hospital/ UCSD Department of Psychiatry at show contact info ext 1251 for more information.

      study will take place at the VA Hospital in La Jolla.

  • Bhend94

    I’m new here and can use some advice

  • Skellytun

    I can’t get chat to send on my phone shrug

  • Atlantadealpro

    There should be a dating site for COH’s

  • katy

    someone please help me get out of my parents house… I have been living like this my entire life and I cannot do it anymore. my mom is the worst hoarder I have ever seen and the house is roach infesed.. please help me

  • janie d

    hello

    • sdhoarding

      Does Your Loved One Have Trouble Throwing Things Out? (La Jolla)© craigslist – Map data © OpenStreetMap
      (google map) (yahoo map)Have friends or family that save too many things?
      Your loved one’s house is cluttered with objects?

      If so, you may be eligible to participate in a research study on the experience of family members with hoarding.
      Please call Dr. Ayers from the Department of Psychology VA Hospital/ UCSD Department of Psychiatry at show contact info ext 1251 for more information

      The study will take place at the VA Hospital in La Jolla.

  • janie d

    is this place active or not?

    • Hi Janey – The next scheduled chat is SUNDAY, JULY 27, 2014 * 2 PM EDT * 11 AM PDT * 7 PM BST *

  • BenW

    Hi all, quick q, how shall I reply when my ma says “My apartment is my problem, you mind your own!” And what should I do when she keep buying stuff she don’t need?

  • Izzy Winter

    Hi everyone. Just in case anyone is interested the book ‘Diary of a Hoarder’s Daughter’ by Izabelle Winter is on promo on Amazon Kindle from 11th – 13th August for 99c.

  • Guest

    Does Your Loved One Have Trouble Throwing Things Out? (La Jolla)© craigslist – Map data © OpenStreetMap
    (google map) (yahoo map)Have friends or family that save too many things?
    Your loved one’s house is cluttered with objects?

    If so, you may be eligible to participate in a research study on the experience of family members with hoarding.
    Please call Dr. Ayers from the Department of Psychology VA Hospital/ UCSD Department of Psychiatry at show contact info ext 1251 for more information.

    The study will take place at the VA Hospital in La Jolla.

  • sdhoarding

    Does Your Loved One Have Trouble Throwing Things Out?
    Have friends or family that save too many things?Your loved one’s house is cluttered with objects?

    If so, you may be eligible to participate in a research study on the experience of family members with hoarding.
    Please call Dr. Ayers from the Department of Psychology VA Hospital/ UCSD Department of Psychiatry at 858-552-8585 ext 1251 for more information.

    The study will take place at the VA Hospital in La Jolla.

    • Leandrea

      What if your the person?

      • sdhoarding

        Hi Leandrea,

        We do typically have a hoarding group/individual treatment studies. However
        we are not offering any currently. We are looking to start a new study within the next year.
        If you are interested, please give us a call at 858-552-8585 ext. 1251, we can add you to our wait list and give you a call for our future studies!

    • Jessie

      I would like to participate

      • SDhoarding

        Hi Jessie, thank you for your interest! Please give us a call at the number above, and someone will get back to you as soon as possible and provide you with further information regarding the study!

        858-552-8585 ext 1251

      • sdhoarding

        Or if you send us an email to sdhoardingresearch@gmail.com and provide me with a phone number I would be happy to personally give you a call today

  • Destinys HerMom

    My mother is a hoarder and lives with me… She is making my house smell and today I
    I answered my door to two strangers delivering more crap to my house… She lives with me because she would otherwise be homeless… I am at my wits end and ready to put her on the street… I already have arocky relationship with her because she was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive to my brothers and I..

  • Karl

    Can we have another chat? I’d love to participate.

    • How about next Sunday afternoon, Dec 21 – 2 PM EDT * 11 AM PDT * 7 PM BST? Just in time for the holidays!

  • disqus_JhMcPgRNCt

    I am in over my head and looking for a therapist urgently. I let my mother move into my house. It was a mistake. I thought I was doing the right thing as her son but she brought her disease with her. I have it but I don’t do the extreme home destruction she does. For some reason she is obsessed with Goodwill and Thrift stores.
    She has filled my dining room and drives a car full of junk. I cannot stop her and I am at my wits end. There should be a way to ban hoarders from Goodwill for their own safety. I never thought I would reach the point where I hated someone on this level. I want her out of my life at this point. Nothing works. Yelling, nice, nothing. I tried to get her to go to therapy and she said she didn’t have a problem and it was fine. I know Im rambling but she is now doing it in my house. I have my own family and now we have no dining room and she has been on my couch for 3 years.

  • Emma

    Can a chat be arranged for a date in Aug 2015?

  • peacefrog021

    Yeah, I could really use some ears to help me through this, I don’t have anyone here local that I can confide in!

  • bronwen

    Hello all,

    I am recruiting participants for a study regarding family members and loved ones of individuals with hoarding disorder. The study would take place at Drexel University in Philadelphia, PA. See the flier below for more info. I look forward to hearing from you!!

    DREXEL UNIVERSITY RECRUITING VOLUNTEERS FOR A RESEARCH STUDY

    DO YOU HAVE A LOVED ONE OR FAMILY MEMBER WHO SUFFERS FROM HOARDING DISORDER?

    Do you feel that their hoarding has adversely affected your life? You may be eligible to take part in a research study! The purpose of this study is utilize art-making to investigate the experiences of loved ones or family members of those suffering from hoarding disorder. Participants will take part in one to three group art-making sessions which will last for one hour each.

    You may qualify if:

    •You are between the ages of 18-75

    •You are a native English-speaker

    •You have a family member or loved one who hoards.

    If you are interested, please call: Michele Rattigan: (267)-359-5510
    You may also send a confidential email to: artandhoarding@drexel.edu

    This research is approved by the Institutional ReviewBoard. This research is being conducted by a researcher who is a member of DrexelUniversity.

    APPROVED
    HumanResearch
    Protection Protocol # 1512004071
    Approval Date: 1/11/16
    Expiration Date: 1/10/17

  • Jamie Kanter

    Is this chat still live?

  • Nicole

    I hv been trying to distance myself from my mom for 2wls now. Talking on the phone or visiting with her just makes me so angry. We get into the dame arguement and she uses the excuse that its how she grew up, its how she makes her money, its her life. We just go around and around n circles. Just so much drama. It has been so peaceful since then. Yesterday I brought her grandchildren over and the house has gotten so much worse. Before they could use half the garage to park the card, now the whole garage is filled with junk. Their bed, table, conter tops, every available space has things piled on it. We walked into the kids room and she said it was messy bc they had been playing. WHERE? They had no room to play. We were walking on toys. I had to change my baby’s diaper outside on the driveway bc there was no space to do it. It is so stressful tp me. I told my husband I had to go outside because all of it just stresses me out. Thinking about it now just makes me want to cry. She has been txting my husband ti get him to come over and fix all the things she buys that r broken. She tried to get him to fix something last night while we were over there but she couldn’t find it. BIG SURPRISE! She has asked for me to come over there several times to get organized and I final told her no, bc im not going to do anything to enable her behavior. I want to give her money to help out with the bills but im worried she will use it to go shopping like she has done b4. But she doesnt hv a problem and its none of my business. AAAHHH!

  • Nicole

    I hv been trying to distance myself from my mom for 2wls now. Talking on the phone or visiting with her just makes me so angry. We get into the dame arguement and she uses the excuse that its how she grew up, its how she makes her money, its her life. We just go around and around n circles. Just so much drama. It has been so peaceful since then. Yesterday I brought her grandchildren over and the house has gotten so much worse. Before they could use half the garage to park the card, now the whole garage is filled with junk. Their bed, table, conter tops, every available space has things piled on it. We walked into the kids room and she said it was messy bc they had been playing. WHERE? They had no room to play. We were walking on toys. I had to change my baby’s diaper outside on the driveway bc there was no space to do it. It is so stressful tp me. I told my husband I had to go outside because all of it just stresses me out. Thinking about it now just makes me want to cry. She has been txting my husband ti get him to come over and fix all the things she buys that r broken. She tried to get him to fix something last night while we were over there but she couldn’t find it. BIG SURPRISE! She has asked for me to come over there several times to get organized and I final told her no, bc im not going to do anything to enable her behavior. I want to give her money to help out with the bills but im worried she will use it to go shopping like she has done b4. She claims she doesn’t have a problem and its none of my business. AAAAHHH!!!

  • jacqueline a

    I am the adult daughter of a hoarder. For all the criticism about hoarding tv shows (exploitive, unrealistic, questions about authenticity and compensation) the shows do serve a useful purpose: they help people like me recognize what is really going on when a parent obsessively accumulates strange things. As a child, I knew it wasn’t “normal” for my mom to collect plastic bags, cardboard boxes, magazines, junk mail, fast food containers and, always, the endless bags of newspaper clippings.The mitigating force in our house was my father who actually could not stand clutter. He was as quick to throw things away as my mother was compelled to keep them. Needless to say, her hoarding versus his discarding created a lot of unhappiness for them both. Mostly defeated, my father often escaped into binge drinking. Yeah, this was a rough homelife for two little girls. Like many hoarders, my mom’s defense mechanism was to blame others for the condition of the house. If we challenged her about her stuff she got very angry and insisted we were the ones responsible for making a mess. It was maddening. In reality, however, mom knew she had a problem. She knew enough about how a house should be maintained to be ashamed of ours. No one, not even relatives or close friends, was allowed to just drop by. When a visit was unavoidable, there was always a horrendous whirlwind of housecleaning involving us all. My sister and I rarely had friends over. We learned not to ask because the very idea sent mom into a tizzy. Still, she was not completely unrealistic. I kmow now she was probably a level 3 hoarder as opposed to 5. She knew people did sometimes would come in the house, so she worked hard to keep her hoard hidden. The kitchen, living room and bathroom were always clear and functional. She didn’t pile things in my bedroom, but her room was pretty full, despite my father’s intervention. Unfortunately, her hoarding kicked up a notch after my father died. The basement eventually became impassable.and scary This was particularly sad for me because I had so many great memories of Christmas trees and puppies and playing, and watching my dad do carpentry in the basement, before it became a horrid, dank storage dump. The attic also was completely overrun. There were floor to ceiling mounds of old clothes, and everything else mom refused to get rid of. That’s when I think the rats and mice came. Let me say I have a real phobia about rodents, so hearing them rumble and squeak in the walks and floors was a nightmare for me. But getting exterminators in the house was out of the question. First, my mother would die before she let an outsider see the condition of those rooms, and next, she knew extermination would require getting rid of stuff. When my sister and I grew up anf moved away, mom could no longer hide behind the excuse of us creating clutter. Of course, I wanted to help her, but we only ended up in screaming matches. Turns out I have more of my dad in me than my mom when it comes to tossing things. More importantly, I didn’t recognize how getting mad and demanding that she throw all that junk away was absolutely the wrong approach to take. I learned a better way to relate to my mother and her hoard, as a person with a psychological disorder. I learned it from first watching those tv shows, and later from Internet research. But it was a too late for my poor mom. She developed dementia a few years ago which has progressed to the point where she doesn’t remember anything from one minute to the next. We were finally able to discard a ton of things that were ruined by the hoard without her being aware of it, or capable of being concerned anymore. May many of you reach the critical understanding of hoarding as a mental condition, and not a stubborn failing of your loved one’s personality, before it is too late to have harmony in your house. I know how difficult and frustrating it is. Trust me. But try.