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How Hoarding Affects Family

From the New England Hoarding Consortium Spring 2007 Newsletter:

To help us learn more about how hoarding affects loved ones, 793 family members and friends of people who hoard provided us with information.

Of these participants, the largest portion, 44% were children of people who hoard; 21% were spouses or partners, 12% were siblings, 4% were parents, and 20% had other relationships (friend, grandchild, other). On average, family members in this study rated the person who hoards as having limited insight into the severity of their hoarding, and more than half described the person as either having poor or no insight. People who lived with a person who hoards during their childhood years reported being significantly more embarrassed about their home, having fewer visitors, experiencing more strain in their relationship with their parents, and having a more unhappy childhood than did people who did not grow up in a hoarding home. Most family members reported arguing with the person who hoards about the problem at least somewhat. We also studied family attitudes toward the person who hoards.

Scores on a measure of family frustration equaled or exceeded those found for family members of hospitalized patients with schizophrenia in previous studies. Not surprisingly, more family frustration was significantly associated with poorer insight on the part of the person who hoards. These results show us that living with hoarding has adverse effects on the quality of the family relationships.

What the old OCF Hoarding website had posted for at least the last 4 years about the effect of hoarding on families:

How Compulsive Hoarding Affects Families
Fugen Neziroglu, Ph.D, ABBP and Jerome Bubrick, Ph.D
Bio-Behavioral Institute
Great Neck, NY

Living with someone who compulsively hoards often can be as stressful of a lifestyle as it is to actually be a compulsive hoarder. Unlike people with other OC Spectrum Disorders, hoarders are essentially unable to hide their symptomatology from others, especially family members who live in the same house. This can often make all aspects of living difficult for everyone involved and causes more extreme friction than living with someone who has another OC Spectrum Disorder.

Clutter is one of the biggest contributors to family tension with regards to homes with hoarders. The loss of or elimination of functional living space as the result of clutter is one of the biggest bones of contention for families who live with hoarders. Having functional living space means that you are able to use your furniture, appliances, countertops, etc., in their intended manner. Living spaces filled with clutter is not functional.

Obviously, this lack of functional living space makes it impossible for families to be able to enjoy their own homes. Decreased or eliminated functional living space may mean that families are not able to use their kitchens to cook food and may, therefore, be dependent on ordering take out regularly. This can often lead to increased financial strain and obesity, because they are spending more money and taking in more calories than they would if they were grocery shopping and cooking.

Often, families decide to acquire additional storage facilities (chests, lockers, garages, sheds, etc.) with the hope of regaining some functional living space. Ironically, what usually happens is that in the beginning those facilities are useful but they too eventually become overrun with clutter and no longer serve their intended function.

The issues brought up so far typically result in family members feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and resentful. However, there are other effects of compulsive hoarding that can actually affect the safety and well-being of families. For instance, compulsive hoarders and their families often experience headaches, respiratory problems (asthma, etc.) and allergies, all due to having excessive clutter.

As clutter develops and is maintained, it becomes impossible to remove the accumulated dust from the spaces effected primarily because people are not able to vacuum or dust their homes, sometimes for years. Additionally, the spilling of liquids, such as, soda, juice and water are often not cleaned up and cause mildew or fungus. Combined with the high levels of dust being inhaled, this mildew and fungus can significantly complicate the health of the family of the compulsive hoarder.

Excess clutter causes significant safety issues. In fact, there are several safety issues that families of hoarders face every single day. First, it is fairly common to have such excessive clutter that pathways need to be constructed through the clutter in order to navigate through the home. It is commonplace for these pathways to become obstructed by fallen clutter or new clutter, which can result in people tripping and injuring themselves. Also, if clutter is on stairwells, there is a significant risk of slipping and falling downstairs. Clutter causes fire hazards, including the inability to leave the home quickly in case of fire or other emergencies. The inability to locate a fire extinguisher when needed and blocked doorways is dangerous.

The structural integrity of the floors can be compromised by the weight of excessive clutter. Items that are commonly hoarded are written materials, including newspapers and magazines. Although a single newspaper or magazine may weigh very little, hundreds or thousands of them can weigh several hundred pounds. Other items that are compulsively saved include clothing, boxes, additional appliances (extra televisions, stereos, etc.) and even heavy machinery. The combined weight of all the clutter plus the potential water damage from spilled liquids, broken and/or clogged pipes and appliances put a tremendous amount of pressure on floorboards and can cause them to decay.

There are additional dangers in the homes that have pets. Sometimes cats are not able to find or enter litter boxes, or dogs are unable to “hold it” long enough for owners to maneuver through clutter. Both situations result in the animals urinating or defecating inside the home, sometimes unknown to the family. This combined with the mildew and possible fungus that results from spilled liquids and possibly decaying floorboards often attract rats, cockroaches and other uninvited guests.

Certainly, the health and safety concerns associated with clutter can have tremendous affects on families. Embarrassment, frustration, resentfulness and hopelessness are just some of the emotions that family members feel with regards to hoarders. Often, they feel as though their home is not really their home. They are ashamed of the clutter, but often have little control over cleaning it and are essentially forced to live amidst chaos. Commonly, family members will get so frustrated with clutter that they will attempt to clean or organize without the consent of the hoarder, which invariably results in arguments and fights.

Children are often too embarrassed to have friends come over, or are not allowed to because of the hoarder’s embarrassment. This often leads to increased social isolation and resentment of the hoarder. Spouses often consider divorce or separation because of the extreme impairment in functioning.

Spouses often wonder what their responsibilities are to the children involved. The children feel torn between the parent who is the hoarder, and the parent who is not. They tend to keep the hoarding a family secret but feel depressed and angry and do not know what to do with their emotions. If the non-hoarding parent decides to ask for a divorce, a custody battle may ensue. Often pictures of the home are taken to court to convince the court that the home environment is not suitable for bringing up a child. The sufferer of hoarding is not only embarrassed but feels tremendous resentment which usually interferes with bringing up the child jointly.

Sometimes, a neighbor who becomes aware of the home situation may call child protective services. Under these circumstances, an investigation may be started. This may result in the possible removal of the children from the home unless one of the parents makes alternative living arrangements. Whether the child lives in clutter or is removed from the home, the end result is devastating. Unfortunately given all the negative consequences of living in clutter, the hoarder is usually very reluctant to seek treatment although effective treatment strategies are available.

The following are some suggestions for family members who are trying to persuade their reluctant hoarder to enter treatment: You must make sure to tell your family member that those clinicians who are familiar with the problem are not going to go into the house and start throwing things out. They are not going to take control of the possessions. Well-trained clinicians will teach a method and work side by side with your loved ones. If the compulsive hoarder does not want the therapist to go into the house initially, that is okay. It is a very gradual process. If your family member does not want to even go for an initial consultation, it is suggested you go to the therapist several times yourself to learn how to get him or her into treatment. There is hope so take advantage of it.

http://www.ocfoundation.info/hoarding/effects-family-society/how-compulsive-hoarding-affects-families.php

 

 

 

What the new (I)OC(D)F Hoarding Center website now posts:
4/2010.
Awareness on effect on family increases…

How Compulsive Hoarding Affects Families
by Fugen Neziroglu, Ph.D, ABBP, Jill Slavin, Ph.D., Katharine Donnelly, M.A.
Bio-Behavioral Institute
Great Neck, NY

Living with a compulsive hoarder is an immensely stressful endeavor. Unlike people with certain other OC Spectrum Disorders, such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), hoarders directly impose their disorder on individuals in the home. With regard to OCD and BDD, behaviors certainly affect family members emotionally and at times, physically or practically, however, the effect is generally indirect. In other words, family members of most OCD spectrum disorders may be able to avoid the symptoms of the disorder. For example, if a young girl is a compulsive hand washer, due to contamination, and spends much time in a specific bathroom, her parents and siblings are able to use the other bathrooms in the home with no difficulty or impact, besides experiencing inconvenience. With regard to compulsive hoarding, often times, all of the bathrooms in the home may be non-functioning or so cluttered, that it is impossible to reach the shower, toilet or sink. As a consequence, hygiene may become a problem. In addition, malfunctioning of utilities in the home is often unaddressed due to shame that a hoarder may feel when having a handyman come in to fix the problem. Below, we will address many of the direct effects of hoarding on the individual who hoards and the family members living with him/her in the home. We will also explore the significant emotional impact that hoarding may have on the wellbeing of peripheral family members, or family members who no longer live in the home.

For those family members who live with a hoarder, such as a wife, husband, child, or older dependent parent, it is impossible to live amongst clutter while avoiding the harmful physical and emotional trauma. Not only the clutter, but the hoarder’s need to control all items and areas of the home causes extreme friction and tension. Hoarders often attach a sentimental, instrumental, or aesthetic value to items. Instrumental value is also referred to as the “just in case” phenomenon. The hoarder keeps the item “just in case” they may need it at a later time. Ironically, when the hoarder may need that item, they may be unable to find or access it due to the clutter.

A primary area of contention is that clutter often results in a loss of once functional living space, even in communal areas (e.g. kitchen, living room, etc.). Functional living space relates to furniture, appliances, countertops, etc., being used in their intended manner. For example, families are frequently unable to use their kitchens to cook food and may, therefore, be dependent on ordering take-out daily. This may lead to increased financial strain and obesity, because they are spending more money and consuming more calories than they would if they were able to prepare their own meals. Financial strain also results from compulsive acquisition associated with hoarding, and the need to acquire additional storage facilities (chests, lockers, garages, sheds, etc.). Often, the acquisition of this extra storage is agreed upon with the hope of regaining some functional living space. Ironically, at the beginning these facilities are useful but if compulsive hoarding behaviors are not addressed, it is likely that functional living space will once again become over-run with yet even more clutter. Compulsive acquisition, or compulsive shopping, is also a major source or friction. It can lead to debt; purchases are often not discussed; credit cards may be “maxed out”, and money therefore cannot be allocated to purchases that other family members may desire or require.

Not only do hoarders often claim areas within regions of the home that are reserved for other family members, but the control of how that space is used or what items should be discarded is frequently at the hoarders discretion. Family members lack control in decision making, which leads to feelings that family members are living in someone else’s home, causing discomfort and disrespect. They no longer have the ability to decide the fashion in which they would like to live and their power is stripped from them, leaving them feeling vulnerable and unstable. Essentially, family members are forced to live amidst chaos. Commonly, family members will get so frustrated with clutter that they will attempt to clean or organize without the consent of the hoarder, which invariably results in additional arguments and fights. In addition, behaviors may be exacerbated due to this “deception.” Hoarders may feel violated and therefore lose trust in family members, become more paranoid and protective of their items. This often leads to an increase in checking behaviors (e.g. check the garbage cans to make sure something important was not discarded).

Children of hoarders, are often unable to avoid living within the clutter, and therefore, are significantly affected, socially. Children are often too embarrassed to have friends come over, or are not allowed to, due to the hoarder’s embarrassment. This may lead to social isolation, helplessness, and resentment. Spouses often consider divorce or separation because of the extreme impairment in functioning, and may also ruminate about responsibilities to the children that are not being met. The children feel torn between the parent who hoards, and the parent who does not. Children tend to be very secretive about the hoarding problem, but feel depressed and angry due to the sacrifices that they are expected to make on account of compulsive hoarding. If the non-hoarding parent decides to ask for a divorce, a custody battle may ensue. Often pictures of the home are taken to court to convince the court that the home environment is not suitable for bringing up a child. The individual who hoards is not only embarrassed but feels tremendous resentment, interfering with the ability to bring up the child jointly. Further legal issues may arise should a neighbor become aware of the home situation and call child protective services (CPS). Under these circumstances, an investigation may ensue. This may result in the possible removal of the children from the home unless one of the parents makes alternative living arrangements. Whether the child lives in clutter or is removed from the home, the end result is devastating, and the effect of these events often serves to increase the person’s hoarding, as a source of comfort.

Adult children of hoarders often maintain a very strained relationship with their hoarding parent. As adult children move out of the home, they may become estranged from their hoarding relative due to disagreements about how hoarding should be handled. Adult children may also be resentful of the parent for the condition in which they were forced to live as a child. As these children marry and have children of their own, they are most likely resistant to ever bringing their children over to their parent’s home, as they are embarrassed and would not like their children to model hoarding behavior observed. Therefore, grandparents may be isolated from their grandchildren as hoarding may be perceived as adversely influencing. Not only does this distance a family, but the hoarder becomes further socially isolated. Adult children often copy or oppose the behavior that they witnessed as they grew. Either hoarding behaviors are learned and repeated, despite living separately, or the adult child, embarrassed and disgusted at how they lived, become minimalists. For example, if a daughter has observed her mother’s hoarding early in life, and subsequently moves out, she may be likely to be more vulnerable to developing her own hoarding problem as a result of vicarious learning. In addition, if a divorce resulted due to the hoarding, adult children may blame the break up of their family on the hoarder. They may have been taken away from their parent, resulting in feelings of abandonment, as though inanimate objects meant more to their parents than they did. This causes significant psychological distress and often impacts their future relationship behaviors.

Not only do the affected family members suffer the physical and emotional consequences of hoarding, but also the hoarder him/herself is adversely affected by these relationships. For example, the hoarder may become resentful of peripheral loved ones who offer advice, but little help; hoarders who live independently may become resentful of family members who distance themselves; or peripheral family members may experience shame related to the hoarding problem in the family, thereby isolating the hoarder from the rest of the family. In addition, a neglected area of investigation is how hoarding may prevent hoarders from marrying and having families. If a hoarder is single, how are they able to date if they are unable to bring the person over to their home? Additionally, finding a partner who will tolerate hoarding behaviors in a long-term context may be difficult. Prospective partners would be making a conscious decision to approve of the sacrifices associated with this lifestyle. Further, efforts to avoid possible rejection may completely prevent hoarders from pursuing romantic relationships, leading to further isolation. Besides potential romantic partners, even family members are not often invited over, due to shame and a lack of space to entertain. The hoarder can meet family members/friends outside of the home, at others’ homes, or restaurants; however the secrecy associated with hoarding and the refusal to invite significant others to his/her home, often leads to strained relations.

According to Grisham, Steketee, and Frost (2008), hoarders often have poor insight and therefore display a disorganized, tangential, or detached style of interaction, having difficulty with perspective-taking. They have an impaired sensitivity to both others’ and their own emotions, but an excessive attachment to possessions, making it difficult to maintain interpersonal relationships. This possible social impairment may also be due to a high association with Axis II (personality) disorders. In fact, they may be compensating for problematic social skills, but attaching to possessions rather than to people.

The above concerns typically result in familial frustration, resentment, and conflict; however, compulsive hoarding can also significantly affect the safety and health of individuals living in the home. For instance, compulsive hoarders and their families often experience headaches, respiratory problems (asthma, etc.), and allergies, due to living conditions associated with a hoarder’s lifestyle. As clutter develops and is maintained, it becomes impossible to remove accumulated dust from spaces that are most effected primarily because people are not able to vacuum or dust their homes, sometimes for years. Additionally, spilled liquids, such as, soda, juice, and water are often not cleaned up causing mildew, fungus or infestations. Health-related effects of hoarding reach all members of the household, not merely the hoarder, him/herself.

Excess clutter may cause other issues related to safety. It is common to have such excessive clutter that pathways need to be constructed through the clutter in order to navigate through the home. These pathways may become obstructed by fallen or new clutter, which can result in people tripping, slipping and falling. Not only is this an impact on those that are physically able, but may impose an even greater threat for an older dependent parent that is living in the home and that may lack mobility. The older parent may not be able to navigate around the home, being isolated in one or two rooms, and may be unable to help him/herself if clutter tumbles onto them. In addition, clutter may interfere with a speedy departure from the home and cause a significant fire hazard. Furthermore, if clutter blocks entryways or access to fire extinguishers, members of the household will not be able to take action, should a fire start. Hoarded materials also increase a building’s fire load (amount of combustible materials contained within the building relative to the size of the structure). Additionally, during a fire, burning materials may fall, creating a trapping hazard, interfering with firefighters being able to save the people from the home and increasing their chances of danger. Furthermore, toxic fumes emitted from the flammable materials may create further health problems for all those who are exposed.

Structural integrity of the floors can also be compromised by the weight of excessive clutter. Hoarders often acquire written materials, including newspapers and magazines. Although a single newspaper or magazine may weigh very little, hundreds or thousands of them can weigh several hundred pounds. Other items that are compulsively saved include clothing, boxes, additional appliances (extra televisions, stereos, etc.) and even heavy machinery. The combined weight of all the clutter plus the potential water damage from spilled liquids, broken and/or clogged pipes and appliances put a tremendous amount of pressure on floorboards and can cause them to decay.

There are additional dangers in the homes that have pets. Sometimes cats are not able to find or enter litter boxes, or dogs are unable to “hold it” long enough for owners to maneuver through clutter. Both situations result in the animals urinating or defecating inside the home, sometimes unknown to the family. This combined with the mildew and possible fungus that results from spilled liquids and possibly decaying floorboards often attract rats, cockroaches and other unwanted pests. Certainly, the health and safety concerns associated with clutter can have tremendous affects on families.

Unfortunately, despite the negative consequences associated with living in clutter, the hoarder is usually very reluctant to seek treatment. However, effective treatment strategies are available. The following are some suggestions for family members who are trying to persuade their reluctant hoarder to enter treatment:

* Make sure to tell your family member that clinicians who are familiar with the problem are not going to go into the house and start throwing things out. They are not going to take control of the possessions. Well-trained clinicians will teach a method and work side by side with your loved ones. If the compulsive hoarder does not want the therapist to go into the house initially, that is okay. It is a very gradual process.

* If your family member refuses to go for an initial consultation, it is suggested you go to the therapist several times individually to learn how to get him or her into treatment.

* If increasing resistance is observed, family members should be advised to form an empathic united front, confronting their loved one in a systematic, deliberate manner, following recommendations of an experienced overseeing clinician. Intervention strategies are frequently used by family members in order to communicate to their loved one the seriousness of his/her problematic behaviors.

* Once consent to participate in psychotherapy has been attained, it is of critical importance that the clinician bolsters the convenience and palatability of therapy. Hoarders tend to be extremely secretive about or dismissive of hoarding behaviors, avoiding visitors and glossing over problematic behaviors during clinical dialogue. Therefore, initial trust-enhancing efforts are extremely important.

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